My Mind, My Life, and My Future

My mind is often running

With horses that are countless.

Each horse is a thought,

Some about the past, 

Some about the present, and

Some about the future.

Thoughts like, what would it be like

If I hadn't hurt people,

Because I didn't have autism, ADHD, or Biopolar.

Thoughts like 

Would it have been easier 

For me to be sick in another way?

Would it be easier for me not to do the things I did? 

Of course, but I can't change the past.

I can only change the future.

My thoughts go crazy. 

It is like my mind is falling apart.

As my mind falls apart how can I reflect, 

But I want to reflect to try and have a better future.

I think about things I did well 

And things I did poorly.

I like to write them down, 

Cut them up, and 

Burn them.

By burning them, 

I hope to get rid of them.

Sometimes this works.

But sometimes it seems like a waste of paper.

Sometimes my mind feels on fire.

It is so cluttered with junk 

That I watch on Youtube

Or think, or read,

That I go crazy.

Sometimes, I think 

I should stop reading 

Or watching youtube 

Or stop writing poems and 

delete them permanently.

But that doesn't seem helpful.

God willing, tomorrow will be a better day.