My mind is often running
With horses that are countless.
Each horse is a thought,
Some about the past,
Some about the present, and
Some about the future.
Thoughts like, what would it be like
If I hadn't hurt people,
Because I didn't have autism, ADHD, or Biopolar.
Thoughts like
Would it have been easier
For me to be sick in another way?
Would it be easier for me not to do the things I did?
Of course, but I can't change the past.
I can only change the future.
My thoughts go crazy.
It is like my mind is falling apart.
As my mind falls apart how can I reflect,
But I want to reflect to try and have a better future.
I think about things I did well
And things I did poorly.
I like to write them down,
Cut them up, and
Burn them.
By burning them,
I hope to get rid of them.
Sometimes this works.
But sometimes it seems like a waste of paper.
Sometimes my mind feels on fire.
It is so cluttered with junk
That I watch on Youtube
Or think, or read,
That I go crazy.
Sometimes, I think
I should stop reading
Or watching youtube
Or stop writing poems and
delete them permanently.
But that doesn't seem helpful.
God willing, tomorrow will be a better day.
